Thoughts in the dark

Here I sit, lights down low , the house is quiet because everyone else is asleep. This is when I do my thinking. This is when my deepest thoughts come out. 

I just finished watching the documentary "Brats." You know, the "Brat Pack" from the 80's ? I always found myself really enjoying the films back then, and I think this documentary helped me understand why. It's because I could relate to the actors. They were young adults, the same as me, and were trying to figure out life in general. Some of my favorite shows at that time were

"Breakfast Club," "Footloose," "Sixteen Candles," "Pretty in Pink," "Weird Science," "Ferris Bueller‘s Day off," and "Risky Business" just to name a few.

We were all just trying to find our way. We were looking for love and had no clue what we were doing. We were out of school or in our final years of school, with our whole lives ahead of us, and we had no idea what to do or how to do it. Life was crazy, fun, and scary all at the same time. We wanted to be part of the crowd and to be liked by our peers. 

Our friends had a big influence on our lives; they helped us make the right and wrong decisions, but luckily for me, my small town crowd led me down the right path. Sure, we did a few drugs here and there, but nothing I would consider dangerous. As a matter of fact, they are things that have now become legal in some states. Thats right, I smoked my share of marijuana and drank my share of alcohol, but in the real scheme of things, thats not that bad. 

I feel like we always tried to be respectful of our elders, and when we would cross paths with people that seemed to need a helping hand, we would be sure to offer to help. We felt it was the right thing to do, and we took great pride in the fact that we did it. I mean, sure, we weren't perfect by any means, but remember, we were just 16–20 years old, and we were just beginning to figure things out and find our place in life, but I honestly feel that my friends and I could have done a lot worse.

I guess my biggest regret in life has been my relationships. Part of me feels like I could have taken more time and paid more attention to the red flags I was seeing with certain people. I always hoped for the best and thought they would change over time, but that's not always the case. I think I should have waited longer before becoming serious with these people. I should have waited to see if things were going to change.

My advice to others would be: if you are seeing red flags in a relationship, do not move forward with it until your doubts and fears have been resolved, because time does not always change situations or people. I know now that it's okay to be alone. It's ok if you're not in a relationship like everyone else. Maybe being with someone full-time isn't for you. Maybe just dating someone and living on your own is where you belong. Just remember to be comfortable where you are. If it feels right and you feel comfortable being there, then you may have found your place. It should never feel rushed or forced.

Be happy with who you are and where you are.

Thank you for joining me in my late night thoughts, as I Wander Around My Life.